Death Of Me
by XxxFIVEbyFIVExxX
Summary: Set after Buffy's leap from the tower , and the effect it has on one particular person....... Not sure if I should leave this as a one shot or continue... Let me know what you think! All reviews gratefully received x
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it's affiliates belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy etc and not me. Characters are used here for entertainment and no profit is made by their use.

A/N :- I'm not sure if I want this to be a one shot or carry on with the idea's that I have had for this story.I'll see what reviews it gets and decide after that . I hope that you enjoy this .

Set immediately after Buffy's leap from the tower.

"Let me see my world" Buffy asked of the being in front of her.

The being glowed brightly and Buffy had to narrow her eyes to look at her. "Sure, but remember that the events you witness can be heartbreaking, are you absolutely sure you wish to see them?"

"I'm sure, just show me "Buffy said firmly

"Very well" the being closed her eyes and then touched Buffy's forehead.

Buffy watched as her body laid broken on the rubble at the foot of the tower. Giles looked at her form , shocked. Tara and Willow clung to each other , crying.

Dawn stood on the last stair, staring in disbelief. Xander collapsed in the arms of Anya , reduced to tears.

The one that surprised her was the vampire. Now on his knees sobbing without restraint, not caring that dawn was fast approaching. He had proclaimed his love for her, had worked beside her, fought with her against his own kind. And Buffy had rebuked his love for her and even laughed at him for it.

Buffy looked away, the grief that she saw made bile rise in her throat. It made the truth of her death hit her full on.

She had died, this wasn't an illusion.

As sick as it made her feel, she found it hard to turn away for longer than a minute. Soon her eyes fell back to the vision of what she had left behind. As Giles took the young witch and her friends in his arms, Spike watched, he was still very much on the outside. Dawn watched from her place on the stairs as he clumsily limped to her prone side.

Gently he lifted her body up into his arms and held her head against his body. He lowered his head to her shoulder.

Buffy held her breath.

Spike cried into her shoulder, stroking her hair from her face, his tears fell onto her white blouse, staining it with a tinge of red, his blood from his injuries which he had received as he tried to defend Dawn.

Spike whispered to her and repeated his apologies at not being able to do the one thing she had asked.

He was not worthy , she heard him say over and over, that was why she couldn't return his love, he knew that now.

Buffy felt the heaviness of his heart, it tugged at her own.

He tentatively kissed her cheeks and then her eyes, he stared at her for what seemed an eternity, she felt him burn her with the emotion she saw , then he kissed her lips before laying her body back down.

Spike turned and watched the group of friends all comfort each other, saw Dawn be taken into their arms, still ignoring the broken vampire. His body and heart broken and the cold shoulders stabbed at the piece of hope he held that maybe, just maybe, they would welcome him as part of the group and accept him for the man he was trying to be for her.

He looked up at the now rapidly rising sun and walked towards it. A look over his shoulder gave him the answer he knew already, if he was to walk into the sun, nobody would care enough to stop him. His broken body screamed at him to stop, to run for the nearest shade, but Spike continued towards the center of the yard, where the suns rays already hit the concrete.

The heat boiled the blood that filled his veins, his skin itched and stung , his head pounded. The demon within screamed for the girl that had perished, not caring that he would end his existence by walking out of the shadows.

Spike dropped to the hard surface as his broken and defeated body gave out on him. The patch of sunlight just inches in front of him, yet seemed so far away. He laid his head down and wept for the girl, wishing that he had the strength to end his sorry excuse of a life. After all, what life would he have without her? His reason for being had become her, every unneeded breath was for her, every life he saved was because of her, her influence had been suffused within him and made him want to be a man, a good man, someone that mattered. Without her he was nothing more than another vampire to everyone else. How could he go on , to suffer ridicule and contempt at the hands of her beloved friends and family?

His hand reached for the daylight and the smell of burning flesh made him close his eyes and wait for the pain. He welcomed the sensation when it finally hit. His face changed, ridges grew and his fangs descended , his demon clawed it's way forward and let out a roar as the sun hit his back. His salvation was moments away.

His thoughts drifted to the moments that he had had with her, flashing through his mind at a ever quickening pace. He smiled , his mind settling on the moment she had told him that she trusted him to do what needed to be done and that she trusted him to protect Dawn.

Only he had failed her, not kept his promise , not stopped the threat to Dawns life, had in effect caused the Slayers death.

His hand turned to ash and his arm soon followed it, the suns effect crept across his body. As his body burned and charred, his lips stiff against the pain, he called to her, his dying words being the name of the woman he had loved completely.

Buffy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

" No , No ...That can't happen, she needs him to be there" Buffy screamed, oblivious to the tears that stained her cheeks.

"You mean the vampire?" the being asked

"Yeah, Dawn needs Spike to protect her, so do the others, even if they don't know it yet"

"But they don't trust him the way that you do, to them he is expendible"

"Spike is not expendible, he is the strongest fighter I know, he'd die for them, even though they treat him with contempt"

"As you did?" the being shot at her "Did they not follow your example?"

"Okay I admit it I was wrong, can't you do something to stop it or change it?"

"That is out of my hands, only time will put right what is wrong"

Buffy watched as her friends lead the grieving Dawn back to their home, nobody looked back to the ash and dust that had been Spike. Hell, they hadn't even noticed his suicide.

At a different point ash and cinder gathered swirling into a mass. Slowly shape took form .Spike raised his charred head as the healing continued .He was , still crying out for his soul mate. Now completely formed he stood on shaky legs and gasped.

"What is it with all you good guys? Don't any of you know when a blokes had enough?" He asked with a rasped voice

"Ah, William the Bloody, welcome"

"Sure I am, " he said sarcastically with a raised brow "Where the bleedin' hell am I and why am I not suffering a world of pain and perpetual torment?"

"All good questions and you shall be given your answers shortly".

Buffy walked in a circle and chastised herself for her poor treatment of the vampire that had loved her unconditionally . She fumed at the way she and her 'Scoobies' had behaved. Her tears fell and she didn't notice the glowy one return, and not alone.

"Where the bloody hell are we now" Spike snapped, slowly losing patience with the being and the way she talked in riddles.

As his voice filled the area, Buffy's head snapped up and saw him. His bleached hair shone as the glow hit it, his blue eyes held a glint that she hadn't seen in a long time.

"Spike?" she questioned, not sure if she was imagining the sight before her.

Spike stood staring, unable to do anything other than look at her, bewildered yet surprisingly grateful.

"What did you do that for?" she yelled as she walked up to him, standing toe to toe with the vampire ,ignoring the being beside Spike.

Spike looked down at the floor, unsure if he should tell her, after all , he didn't know that she had witnessed his walk or rather crawl into the sun.

"I... I ... "

"Exactly what I thought" she snapped "Took the easy way out"

"Now hold on jus' one minute there Goldilocks"

Buffy rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest waiting for the rest of his outburst.

"Nothin' bloody easy about kissing sodding daylight, not when I did it cos of you, "

"Oh that's rich! I just took a dive into a portal, think that was easy do you?"

"Didn't say it wasn't" his voice tapered to a low "Wouldn't of had to do it if I'd done what I was s'pose to"

The being sighed loudly. They had known that the Slayer would perish at the hands of the God,Glory,but what Spike had done ,had thrown them through a loop.Never before had a vampire taken it's own life for a mortal.Never before had a vampire shown such devotion and deep feeling for someone, let alone for a Slayer.

The being held up it's hand and instantly, both Buffy and Spike fell silent.Any desire to continue their arguement had left them. Buffy frowned at the being ,understanding dawning on her.This was a place of peace, of contentment.Not a place to carry on her somewhat twisted relationship with Spike.

Sensing that she had her charges complete attention, the being smiled at them, communicating to them through thoughts alone. Spike took a step back, wary of the intrusion.Once the situation had been explained to them, the being stood back, awaiting the questions she knew they would ask.

"We get to stay here , dressed in white , in a white room that is too bloody bright, for all eternity?"

"That's about the size of it I guess, welcome to heaven"

"Well that's just bloody great innit. Can you at least get a beer and watch Passions?"

"Is that all you think about Spike?" Buffy chastized.

"Not all" he curled his tongue and wagged his brow at her

"Typical"

The being smiled

"Are you settling in William"

"Don' call me that!"

"My apologies, my question remains though"

"Not a bloody chance, have you lot lost your bloody marbles?"

"Explain , Why do you think we have 'lost our marbles' "

"Letting a vampire into heaven , not exactly the done thing"

"You proved you are a good man, that you have a kind and gentle soul"

He looked towards Buffy then back to the being

"Great ,I'm back to being a ponce"

Buffy sniggered

"Cut that out Slayer"

"As a reward , you both get to become again. You to have a choice, either go back to the world as you are, to continue being the Slayer and William the Bloody, or you can go back to a world that has no need of a Slayer and where William the bloody is human. I cannot divulge any information on what either world has to offer you, so do not ask. All that I can tell you is that you will both be together."

"Why do I get lumbered with him? He's annoying and and rude and ..."

"Your not exactly a barrel of bloody laughs either Slayer"

"Enough already" the being said sternly "I have no idea why my boss would think this a good idea, so , if I may ask, what do you choose?"

"Can we have some time alone, to decide?" Buffy asked , smiling at the being sweetly

"As you wish, I shall return in three earth hours." The being faded away,.

Alone finally , Spike and Buffy stood opposite each other, both scowling

"I saw what you did, how you were after I jumped "

Spike huffed , wishing he could have a cig to calm his temper and nerves

"Yeah well, temporarily insane or what not, if I knew that this would be my afterlife ,I'd have stayed"

"So do we go back to being Slayer and her pain in the ass vamp or do we decide on being Buffy and William?"

"I don't want to be that bloody pansy again, with all the curly hair and sappy poetry "

"I think you'll be you just the human you"

"Oh" he replied " what do you want"

"I want to go home, Dawn and the others will need us"

Spike stood quietly contemplating their choices. Buffy did the same .

The being stood before her boss "I have given them the ultimatum"

"What do you think they will choose?"

"To go back, Williams heart is tied to the Slayer and the key, his love for them will not allow him to think selfishly"

"Hmmm , and the Slayer?"

"She will choose to go back also, she knows the hell mouth will take their lives soon enough without her there to protect them"

"Another Slayer will be sent there, she would not be needed"

"She won't think about that, she will always be the Slayer, she wouldn't trust her families lives in the hands of a stranger"

"Go back to them and find out which they have chosen"

Buffy watched as Spike walked in circles , muttering to himself. Great! He's crazy and I'm shackled to him for eternity.

Spike stopped and then looked at her. She was annoying, her fists would lash out at him in frustration and she wasn't exactly the brightest spark, but, he bloody loved her, enough that he walked, no crawled into daylight, and now he was going to spend the rest of his unlife with her. These beings sure had a wicked sense of humour.

"So, what's your choice then Slayer?"

"I'm going back"

"Guess I am too then"

"Don't you want to?"

"Not sure pet, aren't you curious as to what the other place has to offer?"

"Maybe, just , Dawn " her eyes welled up and she wiped at her cheeks.

The being appeared before them ,some time later and watched as Spike caught a tear with the pad of his thumb and drew her to his chest. Oh yeah the plan was working.

"Err, hate to interrupt"

The two shot away from each other .

"I have a proposition for you both"

"Get with it then" Spike rocked on his feet , his hands on his hips.

Buffy watched him and sniggered, he reminded her so much of Giles at that moment.

"We will give you six months in the new life, as a human , with Buffy and then you will spend six months back as the Slayer and her vampire"

"He's not _my_ vampire!"

"Say we do this " Spike said through a grimace at the ' her' vampire comment "What will happen if we still cant choose? Or if we choose different choices?"

"Then you remain here"

"Sod that!"

Buffy remained quiet.

"So when are you gits gonna send us back?"

"Wait!" Buffy said hurriedly "If we go to this world were he's human first, what will happen to my friends and Dawn, what if they die while we're all normal in this other world?"

"Time remains as it is now , no more will pass until you return"

"You freeze time there? Neat trick"

"Spike..."

"Buffy" he said in a mocking tone

"This isn't going to end well you do know that right?" she said to the being

The light around them grew in it's intensity and they both covered their eyes so as not to be blinded. The being watched as the vision of the Slayer and the vampire faded into nothing

"Good luck" she whispered


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Buffy felt the pull of the portal lessen and fell to her knees. The sensation hadn't been pleasant and her body rebeled against it, emptying her stomach contents and gasping for breath. She glanced over to where Spike lay unconscious. When her head stopped swimming , Buffy got to her feet , albeit weak and unsteady, and went to his side. She patted his shoulder and called to him . Spike didn't stir . Buffy looked around at their surroundings. It was dark and they appeared to be alone. Grateful that she wouldn't have to hurry him out of sunlight by carrying him , she took a slow walk around to make sure they would be safe until Spike came to.

It appeared that they were in a wooded area , no lights shone in the distance and Buffy assumed that there wasn't a town anywhere within walking distance. With no watches and no other way to tell how close dawn was , panic began to set in. If only Spike would wake up.He'd be able to tell how close dawn was and then...

No.. I'm the slayer, Except I'm not, I'm just Buffy here and he's... William.

Buffy laid a hand on his cheek and pulled it back when he groaned.His skin was warm and now that she looked, properly looked, he wasn't as pale and his cheeks had a slight pinkness to them.She slowly placed her hand back and smiled as his head turned into her palm .Even in his sleep he still responded to her. Her eyes fell to his chest and she watched the rise and fall of his chest.He used to breathe before even though he didn't need to , but for some reason, , it mesmerized her, to think that he actually needed to now.

She thought about her years as slayer, how she had thought that being the slayer was a chore, something that interrupted her life , that it would mean never having a normal life. She used to think of it as a job ,a fight here a world save-age there, thrust ,kick stake and her job was done for the night and then she could hang with her friends at the Bronze and be a ' normal ' girl. So when had she come to accept that slaying wasn't just a part time gig ? Buffy shrugged, who knew. She glanced back down at Spike and smiled again. He had taught her that there was more to being a slayer ,that it wasn't what she was, it was who she was.

She looked up at the sky and sighed ,now they were both going to get a taste of what it was to be normal. No super human strength, no demons to kill, and no sunlight issues to worry them, well him, now. The sky was growing light ,morning was coming ,and with it came their first day as regular joes. A moan from beside her pulled Buffy from her thoughts. Spike turned on his side and yawned .Something so simple had made her smile again.It was such a human thing, yawning ,not something she had ever witnessed a vamp doing.

He's human. We need food and shelter ...

Spike turned over and yawned, his consciousness returning to him slowly. A breeze gently caressed him and he knew that he was outside.He stomach growled , letting him know that he hadn't eaten in hours? days? His eyes opened slowly and fell on Buffy .Spike sat up , his movement caught her eyes and she sat looking at him.

"How do you feel?" she asked

"Human , and achy ,also, bloody hungry.Feel like I've been starved for a century"

Buffy rolled her eyes . "Do you want to rest up for a while before we explore and find something to eat?"

Spike got to his knees and pushed himself up , his legs wobbled a little but he maintained his balance. He stretched his arms and back before looking at their surroundings. " They couldn't have sent us somewhere a little less ..."

"Woodsy?" Buffy added. He nodded and strolled off into the wood. "Hey! Where are you going?" she asked

"I'm going to take a leak, want to come and hold it for me slayer?"

Buffy wrinkled her nose and shook her head "Ewww , gross Spike " she called after his retreating form. "Don't know why I thought that you being all human now would change you" she added.

He returned a short time later , to find Buffy up on a raised piece of the clearing. The breeze was blowing her hair out behind her and he'd found himself liking her to that of a queen surverying her lands .

"Found or seen anything interesting pet" he said as he made his way to her side.

"Can't see anything except tree's , tree's oh and more tree's"

"Maybe we should go look over that way a bit" Spike pointed east " Something tells me we should go that-a-way"

Buffy snorted but made her way down in the direction that Spike had suggested.He followed her down and walked beside her in silence. Neither wanted to really hold any conversation ,both trying to ignore the fact that they were both dead,back home at least.

Spike soon grew bored and patted the pockets of his duster,his eyes showing his gratefulness at finding a packet of smokes.He shook one out and peered inside to find that he only had six left "Bugger".

Buffy cast a brief look and noticed the now lit cigarette hanging from his mouth "Those can kill you now"

"Only got six left and I only got this heart beat for six months, I doubt I'll be struck by anything in that time, do you?"

"One a month, lucky you!"

Spike took the cig from his lips and looked at it, shrugged and popped it back to sit upon his lip. "Maybe there is some sort of civilisation here, we're just not looking in the right place slayer"

"I'm not the slayer here so quit saying that, I'm just Buffy here.I don't call you vamp ,so do me the same courtesy"

Spike smirked and saluted her as she walked on "Yes Ma'am!"

Buffy rolled her eyes and ignored him, as best she could anyway.

It felt as if they had walked for miles and still all they saw was woodland. Buffy was about to give up and let Spike know when she found he wasn't behind her. She sighed deeply and called out to him.

"I'm up here sl... Buffy ."

She raised her face and covered her eyes from the sun. There he was , sitting on a branch at the top of a tall tree.He waved and shouted back "I can see some smoke not too far off towards the north.Must be village or something"

"Might just be a forest fire" she yelled back , not wanting her hopes to be raised

"This isn't sunny California and I'm bloody sure it aint Australia love.Plus it was only a small plume ,not a wall of smoke you get from a forest fire"

Put in her place, Buffy shrugged and walked in the direction he had pointed. " I hope it's a house, one with a shower and a fridge full of food and a huge comfy bed"

"I'll take all those and raise you a telly too "

They smiled, both enthused enough by their hopes ,to walk towards their goal with renewed speed .

The tree's thinned out until the only thing that hindered their progress was shrubbery.Finally breaking through,Buffy stood and stared at the property before her. Spike looked over her head and went to move out into the clearing ,Buffy reached out and held him back by his arm.

The house was small with a thatched roof.Small wood framed windows were scattered here and there, just enough to provide light .The log and mud walls had been bleached by the sun and the doorway was overhung by a porch covered in ivy.

"We don't know if it's safe , could be a trap"

Spike almost laughed at her, but then had to remind himself that he was no longer a vampire and therefore ,at risk . "I might not be a vampire now love but I think I can still put up a bloody good fight.You're not exactly little miss like to fight yourself now"

The glare she shot him told him all he needed to know.Buffy hated not having her slayer skills . With as much stealth as they had, they crept up to the window on the south side and peered in. The house seemed empty , Spike edged round to the front of the house, keeping to the shadows and went to the front door. Spike looked down at Buffy who nodded her aproval.He knocked three times and stood back, both tense in case they were attacked.

Nothing. No-one answered .

Again seeking her aproval, Spike tried the door and found that it opened easily. He hung back, a force of habit stopped him from stepping over the theshold.Buffy tutted and dragged him in behind her.

As soon as they were inside ,with light behind them from the open door, they noticed that the house was cool. After walking for so long they had become hot and sticky from sweat. The cool air was welcomed even though it caused them to shiver slightly. Looking around, it seemed that the door opened up into the kitchen and lounge area. It was basic, a rustic old table stood before a fire that had an old metal cauldron on a frame. The chairs that were at the table looked as though they had been made from logs. The couch was more or less the same but it had over stuffed cushions scattered on it. Buffy looked up at Spike who shrugged his shoulders and advanced further into the house.Buffy closed the door and followed him. He walked through an arch into the bedroom.The bed was cast iron framed with a large over stuffed mattress that was very much like the scatter cushions on the couch.

"There's no bathroom" Buffy said quietly "Where does the person who lives here go ... "

"Probably in a chamberpot of sorts ,or outside maybe... didn't always have indoor plumbing pet"

Buffy snorted , there was no way she was doing her business behind a bush or in a potty . Spike knew exactly what she was thinking ."Prude. Back when I was alive, we only had a basic loo, nothing like what you have back home.We had to fill a bucket with water and that's how we flushed.Only the elite had toilets with a cistern on it, the poorer folk still had to use chamberpots or a hole in the back garden."

Buffy wrinkled up her nose "Thanks for the history lesson , now can we get back to exploring?"

"Sure, after you love"

Buffy had just started to nose around in the kitchen when the door opened and in walked an old lady. She smiled at them and laid a couple of rabbits on the table.

"Took your time didn't you?" she croaked

Buffy and Spike shared a look ,he raised a brow.

"Don't just stand there boy, fetch the logs on the porch,or we'll not have a fire to cook these on"

Spike went to the front door and picked up an armful of the logs and put them on the hearth.

"I suppose you two are wondering how I know you ,expected you ,hmmm?"

They nodded

"Sit , sit" she said idicating the two dining chairs.They sat and waited for the old woman to tell them how and why she knew to expect them.

"The Oracles ,the beings you saw before you came here , they are my bosses.They knew that you would need a guide,so for now, I am that guide."

"A guide? But why, I mean, if this world is just one huge forest and we're the only ones here, it's hardly going to be difficult to survive the next six months ." Buffy replied.

The old woman smiled "Child, did the Oracles not tell you that all memories from your life before ,will fade and that this world can be whatever you want it to be?"

Buffy shook her head, Spike frowned.

"So, we can make this the world into our own perfect world?"

"Not the world as such , but the dimension ,certainly.If you decided that you wanted a world made completely of chocolate, then so be it.I wouldn't advise that though, we had one unfortunate woman who did and it melted .Poor lass was never seen again, although we think she melted into the Obsidian cortex. Oh well."

Buffy was now looking over at Spike and circling her finger at her temple, he frowned back and shook his head for her to stop.

"I assume that you both wish for all the creature comforts of home? Maybe even for this dimension to be Sunnydale, am I right?"

Buffy nodded without hesitation. "My dear sweet girl, we can do that , make this dimension Sunnydale, but," she paused " All your family and friends won't be there.We can and will provide people to run shops ,restaurants and to live in the houses , even create your famly home, but everything linked to your friends and to your mother and sister will be absent.We won't make it a hellmouth either. The other stipulation is that you both remain togther.If either of you tries to leave the other or the dimension, then you will go back to the Oracles to remain there for eternity"

"What if we want different things from the dimension? Buffy might want it to be another Sunnydale, what if I want it to be London, where I grew up?"

Buffy shot him a look, the hurt evident on her face.Spike almost felt guilty .

"Then if you both could not agree then you would return either here or to the Oracles. I think you have some thinking to do and maybe some more questions, yes?"

They both nodded "Then why don't you go down to the lake and think and discuss this all. I will come for you when supper is ready"

Like two children being dismissed , they filed out of the door and headed instinctively towards the lake. There was a lot to talk over and a lot of questions they both needed to ask. Behind the door, the old lady smiled.Things would definitely be interesting, very interesting in deed.


End file.
